June 25, 2013

Helping Others Can Drain You

Recently, I've lost close connection with two friends that I really like lot. The closer I got to each one, the more they started draining my energy and the needier they got. I had it in my mind that I could help them, and I can see ways that I did positively influence each one; however, the change I saw in each one was only temporary and there was no real desire on their part to make a lasting change. As a result, I was getting emotionally enmeshed with them.

One person's fearful reaction to a new person in my life caused me to miss my own internal guidance and make an embarrassing mistake in a public venue in which I was a leader. I've had to separate myself from both of them.

Strange thing is, I have not felt the need to grieve either loss. I simply shifted out of their energy field and stopped taking on their stuff. (I talked about this "off and on" switch in my presentation, "How the body can be used as a guidance tool to support your mission," last month, which was based upon my book, Whose Stuff Is This? ~ Finding Freedom from the Thoughts, Feelings, and Energy of Those Around You.) I also stopped having interaction with them after I explained why the relationship wasn't working.

 It is only right that these relationships ended; yet, I feel almost robotic that I'm not feeling any remorse over ending the friendships. It probably looks like I don't care about these people, but I truly do. I learned a long time ago that I can't "push a rope" and that people who are not ready nor willing to help themselves only drain the ones who try to help them. It only serves to make YOU miserable.

Can anyone relate?
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  1. I can relate entirely and in the end, it is almost inevitable that these people come into your life and that they should leave. Once you have done all you can for them, they seem to need to leave and you need them to leave. That is how I see it. Great post.

  2. I think you are right, Dawn. They come and they go. Not all relationships are BFFs! I did learn a lot from these two people mentioned.

  3. It sounds like they only needed you in their life for certain things. Those are friends that you should let go. A friend is someone who is always their for you and not for just your advice or help. Thank you for the read!

    1. Thankfully, one of these relationships is being restored with a better understanding of boundaries. I cannot allow anyone to attach to me like that again. It's a matter of staying free from emotional enmeshment or co-dependency--even if it is only one person in the relationship acting overly needy.